Happy Birthday Mom

For more about Mom:

• My Mother's Gift
  
• The Birds and the Bees
  
• Mom in Ballard

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This is my contribution to Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Finish Fiesta


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Coffee with Mom

Mom, originally uploaded by coffeejitters.

After class I stopped by Mom's place and dragged her out for a walk. It's so nice to live nearby. It's nice to be able to stop by and say hey let's take a walk and then stop and get some coffee. Today we walked to Chanterelles in Edmonds. Great little cafe.

My Mother's Gift

In 1991 my mom brought home Matt; I was not happy. I was no longer living there, it shouldn't have been a big deal. But I still had a bedroom at the homestead, and I was asked to pack up my belongings in "My" room and either take them home with me or store them in the basement so Matt could have my room. But that wasn't really the issue either.

Taking in kids was nothing new in our home. I had four younger brothers and we had all, at one time or another, brought home friends to stay for extended periods of time. My parents took in my cousins, and kids who had aged out of the foster care system, and runaways (there was always a phone call to the parents to let them know where the kids were). My parents would not turn their backs on a child in need. Eventually they decided to start taking in foster children, and Matt was the first of many special needs placements my parents took in.

But Matt was scary. He was a 16 year old, severely developmentally challenged kid that had been held in a hotel room 24 hours a day for the past three months because they could not find a home that would take him. After a lifetime in the foster care system, Matt had an attitude, and he was very difficult to care for because of his medical needs as well. Along with an improperly formed brain, Matt had cerebral palsey and hydrocephalus; he functioned at the level of a two year old. He was difficult to look at. His hair grew in funny little tufts around the scars from all his brain surgeries, he shuffled along all bent over, he had a vocabulary of only 50 words and he was a head banger. By head banger I mean that whenever he was frustrated or angry or for whatever other reason he would haul off and slam his head on whatever hard surface was handy, often drawing blood. He terrified me. I did not like the idea of this kid living in my parents house.

Why am I using this Mother's Day post to tell you about Matt? Because Matt became a part of our family. My Mother would not give up on him. No matter how hard it was, no matter how many late nights she sat up wondering "what have I gotten myself into," she would not be just one more foster home that sent him back to that agency. He deserved better than that. And we learned a valuable lesson about acceptance and love, because we all came to love Matt. As he became more accepted and comfortable in our home he started to blossom at school, and at church where Mom took him every Sunday. By the time he passed away in 2000, he had touched so many lives that his funeral was standing room only. An entire community had learned a lesson about acceptance and love.

Mom has always been a caretaker. It's her calling, her gift, and she's very good at making people feel better when they are ill. When my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October of 2006, we were all devastated, but we all knew that he was in the best hands. While the doctors may be prescribing the chemo and performing surgeries, and the nurses attending to vital stats, it was Mom that cared for him and faught for him. She was the one that kept him going, and made sure he kept his brain active, and held his hand through the emotional rollercoaster of dying.

My Dad was never a big talker, that just wasn't his style, but Mom always made us talk on the phone together even if we didn't think we had anything to say. Dad and I would sit there on the phone, sometimes it felt like forever, trying to think of something to say to each other. We talked alot about baseball, we talked about mom, we talked about work - his and mine, we talked a little bit about the cancer and it's side effects, we talked about the weather, but most importantly, we talked. Don't get me wrong, I loved my Dad. It's just that both of us are kind of loners - and completely unskilled in the art of smalltalk. The point is, I had conversations with my dad, about nothing and everything, that I hold dear in my heart, and I wouldn't have had them if she hadn't made us talk.

She is the glue that holds our family together, and through the most difficult time of her life, she found ways to meet each of our needs.

In the six months since my father's death, Mom packed up and moved to Seattle. Sure part of it was to be near me. But really she's here because she's taken over as the primary caretaker for my 97 year old grandmother. And she's loving every minute of it, because helping people feel better is what she does, it's her gift.

Happy Mothers Day, Mom. Thank you, and I love you.


Happy Mothers Day to the rest of you moms out there too.

fried bananas

fried bananas, originally uploaded by coffeejitters.

I stepped into Mom's kitchen this morning and she peeked up at me with a sheepish look like she'd been up to something naughty. The place smelled wonderful and I looked around the kitchen as I quized her on what she'd been up too. Fried bananas. That's what she'd been up to. She was standing at the stove nibbling away as I walked in the door. I snapped a picture of what was left and then helped her finish them off. Yummy. If you love bananas and especially if you have green bananas and not enought patience to let them ripen, you must try fried banans.

Fried Bananas
(all measurements to taste)
- butter
- sliced bananas (lengthwise or crosswise, your choice)
- marmalade or other sweetener like maple syrup or brown sugar
- booze (optional)

over medium high heat melt the butter then add the bananas. Saute till they start to carmelize. Lower the heat before adding the sweets to avoid burning. Top it off with a bit of booze (anything from amaretto to rum or whatever your heart desires). Some people flambe at this point, but that just burns off all that lovely booze and who needs to deal with that fire, especially if this is for your breakfast.

Serve this lovely concoction over ice cream or pancakes, or like me, eat directly from the frying pan while standing in front of the stove.

yes I am that much of a heathen.

Tea with Mom

tea, originally uploaded by coffeejitters.

Mom, Aaron and I went on a little road trip today. We took the ferry from Edmonds across to Kingston. We stopped for tea in a cute little town called Port Gambel, and then drove on up to Port Townsend.

Once you get through the seemingly endless winding roads through forrests and farmland, Port Townsend is a jewel of a town right out on the Straight of Juan de Fuca. The old army base, Fort Warden, was the film location for An Officer and a Gentleman, as well as the Ring. It is full of sights, and the old officers quarters are available for rent - but book early because those rooms fill up. Downtown Port Townsend is beautiful and interesting old buildings filled with restaurants, cafes, and little shops. I could spend hours, days exploring this town. I'm going to have to come back again when I have more time.

More pictures from Port Townsend

Mom in Ballard

P1020186, originally uploaded by coffeejitters.

Taking a break from house hunting.

Seattle, Washington

Birds & Bees

While looking at my pictures of my zucchini plants, mom mentioned that all the flowers were male.

Me: How do you know if they're male or female?
Mom: Look for fruit or just a stalk right under the bud.
Me: So does the male have fruit or just a stalk?
Mom: Female has the fruit, do we have to talk about the birds and the bees again?
Me: So should I pinch off all the male flowers so the nutrients go to the females?
Mom: You can pinch off most of them, but you need at least one male for pollination. You really weren't listening during that birds and bees talk, were you?

Sheds a new light on our infertility issues...

36 years together

I got to talk to Dad today - he's back in the hospital again, but seems to be in good spirits. He joked about seeing if his wife would let him off the hook for going out to dinner tonight - which is when it dawned on me that today is their 36th wedding anniversary.

36 years - I think she'll let him get away with it this time...




This picture says - 'what have I gotten myself into?'

Grandma Candy

Grandma McKinley with Mom and Aunt Judy, approximately 60 years ago.
My niece and nephew call her Grandma Candy.

Max and Ilona's Visit - July '05

Max, Ilona, Grandma, and Grandma Candy...

We had a great visit with Max and Ilona and Grandma, and made sure we got to spend some quality time with Grandma Candy as well.

The kids were great, and we had such a good time with them. We had so much fun. But WOW, what a lot of work. We were both bone-tired exhausted after they left. I can't wait till we get to see them again.

On Being an Auntie...

We are now on day 3 of the great munchkin adventure. Max and Ilona arrived with Grandma on Friday night. Mr. H had been a little trepidatious about spending 5 days with my mom and 2 toddlers, but Ilona took care of that when she quickly made it clear to everyone that Mr. H was her chosen one, her favorite, her 'Princess Transportation Device,' and pointedly declared to Mr. H that she needed a hug. He complied. The two are now best friends and Aunt Judy is jealous.

Max is charming and handsome, and at five, quite the little man. He always makes sure to hold the door open for anyone that needs it, even the automatic doors, which he holds open by waving his foot in the air in front of the door. He also misses his Daddy. Every other sentence starts with, "My Dad ..."

There's so much more to tell, but right now we're off to spend the day with Grandma "Candy"

Whew! Aunt Judy is tired.