Don't Step on My Catheter

Don't Step on My Catheter
by Michael H. Schwartz

Don't even think about treading on
That tempting little hose of soft clear
. plastic lying on the floor
There are plenty enough ways to
Incur my wrath without committing
That most heinous act of barbarism.

Mind your step, you fool, watch
Where you put those uncoordinated
. blobs you call your feet.
Its not just the punishment
That should prompt alertness on
Your part, nor even humanitarian

Compassion to guide your steps aright.
But think on this, the balance
Of all the laws of physics and the
Cosmic glue that holds the
Universe together, lie at risk

Of total disintegration at
The touch of toe on tube.

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Rednecks

We found some awesome Rednecks for Obama bumperstickers and T-shirts.

Then Mr. H decided to redneck his facial hair.

“We Hunt, Fish, Drink Beer and Support Barack Obama”

rednecks4obama.com

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On Alaska and Men

This is my husband when he visits Alaska.


And this is my husband when he's not in Alaska.


I guess "When in Rome...."

The men outnumber the women in Alaska by something like 2:1, so you'd think the odds of finding a good man were pretty good. I had to move to Washington to find a good man. Women in Alaska have a saying about finding a man: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd."

Am I biased against Alaskan men? No, some of my favorite men, including my 4 brothers, are from Alaska. But I will be the first to tell you that they are truly odd.


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This post is my contribution to Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Finish Fiesta


Previous CoffeeJitters contributions to Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Finish Fiesta.

• Don't piss me off
• This Post Has Been Brought to You by the Number Four
• High Maintenance

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This Post Has Been Brought to You by the Number Four

When my niece was nearly four I decided to put together a little book for her birthday. A book about the number 4. I went around taking pictures of things in groups of four: four bananas, four ducklings, four boats, four flowers... And then I contacted my family members and asked them to get in on the game and submit pictures of themselves posing with four of their favorite things or in some other way representing the number four.

My Dad decided to go with "Grandpa Has Four Hands."




And then it turned into "Dr. Evil Has Four Hands."




Spare hands provided by my baby brother Steve.


My niece just turned six, and I still haven't finished the book. Not that I would procrastinate or anything...


This post is my contribution to Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Finish Fiesta.

It's Wednesday Night so it's Business Time

giggle.





Update: Apparently I was a little confused. When I posted this song on Tuesday night, it was already Wednesday in my head.

High Maintenance

A boat named "High Maintenance" is being towed.



I'm playing along with Candid Carrie's "Friday Foto Finish Fiesta." Be sure to check her site for details if you'd like to play.

My biggest laugh of the week

I feel vindicated.

I heard a yelp from the other room so I ran to find out what happened. It turns out that Mr. H discovered the hard way that he had left the toilet seat up.

Craigslist: Stoner says thank you for best pizza ever

Thanks to Cory at Boing Boing for bringing this happy post to our attention.

To The Stoner Who Works At Cottage Inn Pizza
Date: 2007-09-18, 11:30AM EDT

You: the guy who answers the phone at cottage inn pizza
Me: Hungry and stoned out of my gourd

I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, you were also baked to bajeezus and forgot to tell me that I had called Cottage Inn.

When you answered and said, “Whatsup?” I thought about it, and after a 20 second pause I told you that was hungry. You suggested I try a pizza, and I agreed that it was probably a good idea.

Then I asked you if you sold pizza and you said that you could make me one. I said I wanted anchovies and something else on my pizza. You asked me what that something else was.

We spent five minutes listing toppings until we figured out that I was trying to remember how to say: “Sun dried Tomatoes.” When you said: “We'll bake that right up for you,” we both started laughing uncontrollably.

It was the best pizza I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out.

I needed a good giggle today.

Hooked on a Feeling

if you cant see the imbedded video, try here http://www.youtube.com/v/ZfwyuofTdV0

My brother sent me this video - It makes me giggle and I can't stop singing this song.

I think I need professional help.