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Sunday, June 01, 2008

On being content


fish crossing, originally uploaded by coffeejitters.

The first of June. A new week. A new month. It's like a new start the first day of each month. May is old news, as is yesterday. I sit here in a little french bakery with my coffee and crossant, my journal, and the rest of my life stretched out in front of me. On days like today, anything is possible. All is potential.

I'm getting used to the idea of being content, which may be why I'm blogging about it so much lately. I'm not accustomed to this feeling. I used to think that contentment would make me lazy, that I would lose any sense of ambition or drive to improve. In truth, I've found the opposite is true. By removing myself from a toxic work environment, I have opened up room in my life for heathier ways of spending my energy. I'm more creative and energetic. I no longer find myself monitoring my anxiety level, the anxiety is gone. I no longer lose sleep over work, and as a result I am better able to handle any challenge or emergency with which I am faced.

It is not as though my life is suddenly stress free. My life is full of challenges. We went from having a modest income to living off of student loans. Money is a significant source of stress. After my husband's bout with pneumonia last month, our lack of health insurance has become a greater source of stress. We have plenty to worry about. But the worry is not making me sick.

Someone once explained to me that nature always seeks a balance. Two bowls of water connected by a wick will eventually equalize their water levels. The same goes for our lives. Whether or not we do so consciously, we seek balance. "You must let go of things in order to make room in your life for new gifts." In this case, I had to let go of an income I thought I couldn't live without in order to gain peace of mind. I should consider this lesson in light of our infertility issues. What else am I clinging to that is actually holding me back?

2 comments:

mama said...

That is awesome, and very profound. I also have felt a great contentment with life lately. Actually feeling HAPPY (which is just not like me at all) and very blessed.

Judy Haley said...

@mama - I think we've had a valuable lesson in just how amazing and precious life is. We are happy to the extent that we appreciate and allow ourselves to be content. I think that's one of the most important lessons Dad wanted to leave us with. He really wanted us to be happy. He'd be happy to know we were having this converstaion.

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